An Unlikely Weapon
by avian
Summary: *COMPLETE* Finally! Hahahaha! After years of battle, I'm finally finished! Honker is 18, and acting very mysterious. Involves the usual Darkwing gang, including yours truly, those charming folks at FOWL, and those wonderful people at SHUSH!


CHAPTER ONE April 2000  
  
"NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE!" The crowd chanted. The East St. Canard High School gym was bursting at the seams with spectators and their cheers. Number One was soaked in the energy of the crowd. At this very moment, they, the basketball, and the championship were in her hands. Scary, ain't it?  
  
Five: A rare hole in the blue jerseys of the Duckberg defense opened up. Four: Number One went for it. Three: A dizzying fake, and squealing rubber. Two: A spin. One: A lay up.  
  
Eighteen-year-old Gosalyn Mallard made room for another picture on her already-crowded corkboard. She smiled slightly as she stood back and looked once again at the newspaper clipping from yesterday: she and her teammates reveling in victory.  
  
RIING!  
  
Gosalyn flopped down on her bed (which her dad often pointed out was never made), and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
" C'est moi."  
  
"Oh, hi Honk. What's up?"  
  
Well, I'm grounded, because I kinda blew up the house again with one of my experiments. So, will you get me some stuff from that one store on Pelican street?"  
  
"I'll go one better." Said Gosalyn in her best Brooklyn accent. "I'm bustin' you outta' that joint."  
  
In little time, two teenagers could be seen running down Avian Way. Their flight had almost been cut short by Honker's boulder of an older brother, Tank. Once around the corner, the two friends slowed, and took their time. Suburbia droned along like it always does on Sunday afternoons. Gosalyn jumped over the cracks in the sidewalk. An unseen mourning dove sang his sad tune.  
  
"Hey Gosalyn. Whaddaryou gonna do after we graduate?"  
  
"I dunno." Said Gosalyn, still hopping the sidewalk.  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
"Do you wanna know a secret?" Said Gosalyn, nudging Honker playfully.  
  
"When don't I?"  
  
"I think at the end of the year, we ought to just run away together."  
  
"What?!" Laughed Honker.  
  
"Hold on, hold on. Just picture the freedom, kid! We could do whatever we wanted, with no pressure from anyone!"  
  
"You won the title yesterday, and the honeymoon's over already, huh?"  
  
"It's just that." Said Gosalyn, plucking a dandelion, "Everyone crowds around, pretending to be your friend, pretending they're happy for you. But heck.no one's really ever been my real friend, except you, Honk."  
  
There was a bit of a pause, until Gosalyn interrupted herself with "Cuz yur so cay-yute!!"  
  
Honker knew what was coming, and so resigned to take his "noogy" like a man!  
  
***  
  
In a roundabout way, Honker and Gosalyn finally reached the corner store. Gosalyn was loitering in the magazine aisle, and Honker was waiting in the checkout line, when the lazy afternoon was spoiled-by Eggmen! Gosalyn dived into a stack of cardboard boxes just in time, amid the noise of frightened shoppers.  
  
"Good evening yous alls! A-heh-aheh-aheh!"  
  
Its owner, Steelbeak, shortly accompanied that annoying laugh.  
  
A certain red-haired girl glared at him. After her father's last battle with Negaduck, she had zero tolerance for villains anymore. She snuck out of her hiding place, leaned against a row of shelves, and waited for her chance.  
  
"Atten-si-on shoppers! Don't bother makin' for da exits. We only came to do a bit-o-shoppin." Eggs, milk, and there just happens to be a blue- light spe-ci-al, on prodigies!"  
  
With that, two burly Eggmen advanced on Honker. "CLEAN UP ON AISLE THREE!" bellowed Gosalyn, as she sent a row of shelves domino-style crashing down on Eggmen, blocking the front door. In the commotion, Honker fought his way free (from overturned cans of Coo- coo cola), and bolted towards Gosalyn and the back of the store.  
  
"C'mon!"  
  
Steelbeak ran to catch them. He would rather leave something like this to the Eggmen, but in times like these, Darkwing Duck usually shows up. Steelbeak got there in time to block the back door, just as Honker and Gosalyn got to it.  
  
"Little miss..." said Steelbeak menacingly with his pistol pointed at the young friends. "I'm sorry to cut the re-union short, but we need your nearsighted friend here...now." Steelbeak fired the gun inches from their feet. "You think this is a joke-- kids?" Steelbeak attempted to fire the gun again, but found himself sprawled on the floor, and Darkwing Duck standing on his back with a purloined pistol.  
  
"Could be. You were always pretty funny to me."  
  
Steelbeak was less than pleased, and not just because his lucky Armani suit was ruined. Just as Eggmen were about to close in, there was a collective click of guns outside the circle from the St. Canard SWAT team. Darkwing feigned supreme confidence.  
  
*******************************  
  
Screaming every obscenity he could (in Italian!), Steelbeak and his company were carted away in SWAT team trucks. Darkwing decided the police should take Honker and Gosalyn home, as the night was fast approaching and Darkwing was to start his "shift", as he called it.  
  
"Stay over at the Muddlefoot's tonight Gos. I've got to run. Keep safe Honker, and get ready to explain when you get home. I can't imagine what your parents will think of you arriving home in a police car." Darkwing grinned.  
  
"I'll just say Gosalyn put me up to it. Pretty easy explanation to fall back on!" Honker added glibly.  
  
Gosalyn folded her arms indignantly. "Ha-ha, very funny."  
  
CHAPTER TWO May 1957  
  
It's a sunny, lazy afternoon in May more than 40 years ago. An unseen mourning dove sings his sad tune. This is the mature, pristine, hallowed campus of SHUSH academy, some 50 miles north of St. Canard. Its' the water- colored past, and whom do we see but a young J. Gander Hooter, trying his best to walk with one of his classmates, Victoria Falcon. James isn't so much walking, as running to keep up with Victoria's quick pace.  
  
"Vicky, would it kill you to slow down? It's the end of exams!"  
  
"Maybe it wouldn't kill you to speed up." said Victoria.  
  
"All right then, you slow down, I'll speed up, and it might just even out in the end. How's that?"  
  
In spite of herself, Vicky smiles. She's a short young woman with piercing blue eyes and a shock of white hair.  
  
"James, why do you insist on walking with me after every class? You never came across as one prone to schoolboy crushes."  
  
"Maybe no." Said James. "I can't argue with a crush so well as I argue with you."  
  
"Ah, so what shall we fight about today? The conflict of morality and scientific progress? The pros and cons of an outer space program?"  
  
"Actually." Said James, always amused by Victoria's disinterest, "I was going to ask you what your plans are after graduation, since you've been so forthcoming on the subject."  
  
Victoria yawned, and glanced over at her friend. "I don't know."  
  
James stopped dead in his tracks. "What does it feel like, to say that for the first time?"  
  
"Stoppit." Victoria nudged James playfully.  
  
"Oh, so you can't decide? So many offers." said James.  
  
"Stoppit! 'You have just as many offers as I, James. Your mock humility isn't working, 'Mr. Magna Cum Laude.'"  
  
James laughed, and then there was a long stretch of silence. The silence lasted for years.  
  
"KIDNAPPED!!"  
  
J. Gander Hooter was snapped from his reverie of the past, back into the present. At present, he was in a heated meeting of the SHUSH council.  
  
"Twelve highly suspicious kidnappings in one year! "  
  
The person who was talking was a newcomer. His name was Howard Gooseman: a council-member; a medium-sized goose with medium build, and medium brown hair. The guy was nothing special, until you heard him speak. He had that elusive "pied-piper" ability to hold sway of any audience. James didn't appreciate him much, of course the SHUSH director knew his opinion may be highly biased.  
  
"Twelve highly suspicious kidnappings in one year, and I doubt," added Mr. Gooseman, "that they've been selected as Disciples of Christ. If I were leader of SHUSH," said Howard, glancing at James, "I would pay more attention to it. My people have reason to believe that THE FIENDISH ORGANIZATION FOR WORLD LARCENY is behind this!"  
  
There was a murmur of skeptacism at that statement.  
  
"We've heard it all before." Said one councilwoman.  
  
"Stamped them out years ago." Said another.  
  
Sara Bellum was nonplussed as usual.  
  
"Humph." Nicholai Grizzlikov just folded his arms and grunted.  
  
Dr. Hooter watched carefully as Mr. Gooseman basked in the swirl of talk around him.  
  
"You all act as if FOWL is some children's fairytale." He exclaimed. "It's only been seven years since they were murdering our agents! If, in the next few days, you'll permit me to build my case, you'll see that FOWL is far from dead." Howard looked imploringly into the crowd of senior members. "I would only do so with the director's blessing, of course."  
  
All eyes were on James. He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"You always have my blessing to discover the truth." He said at last. "Build your case. You have my attention. This meeting is adjourned."  
  
Mr. Gooseman smiled.  
  
***  
  
Tank Muddlefoot was sitting on the porch, chomping down on a before-dinner sandwich, when a police car pulled into his driveway. He (nearly) spit out his bologna on rye when he saw his younger brother seated in the back! Was he going to love this! Herb and Binkie evidently had evidently seen too, because they rushed out onto the lawn. The policeman got out, and the enormous Herb asked him "What's going on here, officer?"  
  
"Your son's not in trouble sir. He did happen to be in the Pelican Street Store with this young lady, when it was broken into by FOWL agents however."  
  
"Oh my Honker, are you allright?!" Binkie squealed. From that moment on, all sins were forgotten as Honker (who was supposed to be grounded) was showered with concern, and a special dinner.  
  
Later that evening the heroes hung out in Honker's room. The place told everything of its owner: neat to a fault, with all sorts of mysterious contraptions whirring all over the place; only Honker knew what they all did. Gosalyn tossed a soccer ball, and watched Honker as he fooled around with his homemade computer. He'd actually grown up to look rather nice. Honker was tall and thin, but not lanky, and his hair fell over his eyes in a artistic and mysterious way. Mysterious. That's what he had been lately. I mean, Honker had always been quiet, and he had always listened twice as much as he did anything else, but now, things were different. Deep inside, Gosalyn was interested in how Honker had seemed to find something else more interesting to be absorbed in than she. Gosalyn knew she was guilty of leaning on Honker far too much, trusting in this boy who kept secrets like Ft. Knox.  
  
"Honker."  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
"No matter what, we're always going to be a team, right? We'll always look out for each other."  
  
Honker smiled. "Always."  
  
*****  
  
"Rise and shine Mr. Steelbeak! You have a bright day ahead of you!"  
  
"Aguh, could yous keep it down? Oy, I've got such a headache."  
  
Steelbeak opened one eye in his luxurious bedroom, and realized that the FOWL council was on his TV, and talking to him. The council member in the middle (the only one who ever really spoke at length) was obviously in a sarcastic mood.  
  
"We're crushed... and hurt that you're regarding us so poorly. After all, weren't you rescued from prison at no expense? Wasn't the whole affair covered up at great personal risk?"  
  
"Ah-heh-a-heh, yous guys are a bunch o' comedians! 'At no expense'...Steelbeak muttered as he got up (revealing drumstick boxers), and staggered over to his walk-in closet. "I'm bankrolling this whole operation here, and--to add insult to injury, get toasted by that Darkwing doofus, when I could be...y'know, loungin' in Cancun suckin' down pineapple daiquiris."  
  
"And why do you think that is Mr. Steelbeak?"  
  
"I already told ya a million times, that guys' like a plague o' locusts; you can't get rid of 'im. Personally, I say he's not just one guy. There's probably a whole team of 'em--y'know, operated by a mad scientist or something."  
  
On the TV, there was a general murmur of amusement. The camera on the TV pulled away to reveal a room filled with shadowy figures such as the ones on the council. The council member in the middle turned to face the audience.  
  
"This." The director began, "Is a classic example of what is wrong with F.O.W.L today. Our outdated methods, superstitious agents, and their lazy and messy practices--"  
  
"Hey!!"  
  
"--Keeps us always one step behind SHUSH and everyone else. Mr. Steelbeak's failure to kidnap one boy, is an indication of a problem that I feel, runs deeper than simple luck on the part of a crime fighter. It has to do with an entire way of thinking and living."  
  
Steelbeak wanted to defend himself, but seeing as FOWL had already severed transmission, he didn't get the chance.  
  
The council member in the middle continued. "That era is over. You all tonight are the future of FOWL. We will have at our disposal every city...every town, starting here and now."  
  
***  
  
It was late, but Honker wasn't sleeping. He was wide- awake, and he didn't know why. Gosalyn was sleeping on the floor next to his bed, snoring softly, oblivious. Honker found it amazing how peacefully she slept. On top of the heat, the snoring, and his gyrating inventions, Honker finally got fed up with lying there and decided to head downstairs for a glass of water. In the kitchen, the shadows of everyday things looked different; more threatening. While gulping his glass of water, Honker checked the glowing numbers of the microwave clock. 4:13 a.m. Almost morning. Suddenly in the kitchen window there was a light rustle, a breeze, and standing before him was a tall, black-clad figure ready to strike.  
  
"Who are you?" demanded Honker.  
  
No answer.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"You."  
  
"Sorry. My curfew's midnight."  
  
"Stop right there." came a low voice from the kitchen doorway.  
  
Gosalyn stood in her pajamas gripping a baseball bat and a real nasty expression. Honker used the second's distraction to grab a steak knife from the adjacent counter. And he didn't handle the knife like a kid who spent all his time on the computer. Gosalyn was looking for a chance to jump into the melee. She didn't want to throw Honker off.  
  
It was so dark, the only thing Gosalyn could see very well was Honker's blade, catching what little light there was. Eventually someone was going to come downstairs to see what was happening. The intruder was caught off guard for a moment, but the element of surprise was wearing off. Gosalyn saw this first, and although her well-placed aim at the intruder's head almost hit its' mark, the attacker wrenched the bat out of Gosalyn's hands, knocked the wind out of her, and-  
  
"Honker! What have I told you about having guests this time of night?" Honker's mother chided from the doorway. It was a hilarious sight, as everyone (including the intruder) looked down at his or her feet in child- like shame. "And horse-playing at that!"  
  
"Umb...sorry Mom, we'll be quiet now." puffed Honker between breaths. And so, a housewife succeeded where two experienced adventurers could not!  
  
Binkie padded upstairs in a little bit of a huff, and the scratched, bruised, and scruffy-looking fighters were at a loss as to what to do. Before much else could be done, the intruder produced a flat, round light from a pocket and flashed it into Gosalyn's eyes. Her green eyes crossed. Gosalyn was totally dazed. "What was that for?!" asked Honker.  
  
"To give you the chance to come quietly. You had a feeling that's what you should do, isn't it?"  
  
That thought had crossed his mind, but Honker just crossed his arms instead, and said "No."  
  
"If you cooperate," said the intruder, " no harm will come to you or your family. Come sunrise, they won't even miss you."  
  
"What about her?" Said Honker gritting his teeth, as he nodded at Gosalyn.  
  
"She won't remember a thing."  
  
A small crowd of strangers had been silently forming a circle around him.  
  
"We're wasting time." Said the head intruder, checking his/her watch. "C'mon."  
  
Honker took one last look at his home, and at Gosalyn.  
  
CHAPTER FOUR May 1959  
  
"What do you mean you don't know where she is?!" Yelled James. Don't tell me that!"  
  
Young James Hooter was uncharacteristically rumpled. He obviously hadn't slept for a while. He was standing in the office of then SHUSH director Jack Webb. The décor isn't much different from how it looks today. Just the technology ever really changes in there.  
  
"That's all I can tell you, agent Hooter." Said Dr. Webb, firmly but not unsympathetically.  
  
"Please sir! Just let me lead the investigation! You know I'm ready-"  
  
"No one doubts your ability, James! But time and time again, you've shown you cannot remain neutral about this. It's too personal!  
  
"Why can't it be personal?! Who better to head this, than someone who knows her-"  
  
"Knew her, Agent Hooter. You knew her. And your affection for the way you remember Agent Falcon is crippling your judgment."  
  
Dr. Webb was clearly done talking. James stormed out of the room.  
  
*****  
  
Darkwing and Launchpad were cruising the streets of St. Canard in the Ratcatcher, when they received a disturbance call from the pier. Darkwing absolutely loved this sort of thing; combing the streets for "the lice of crime" and all that.  
  
"Eeew!" Said Launchpad.  
  
"Sorry LP." Said Darkwing. Sometimes crime just isn't pr--"  
  
"BOOM!" came a massive explosion of an apartment building right in front of them. Debris flew in every direction. A heavy chunk of asphalt hurtled straight at the Ratcatcher, nearly shattering the windshield. Tiny diamonds of glass flew at Darkwing's face as he skidded the motorcycle sharply to the left, and jumped behind it, shielding him and Launchpad from the rest of the debris.  
  
"Jeez!"  
  
"Whoa!!"  
  
"Let's go LP!"  
  
Darkwing spun the motorcycle, and gunned it straight into what was left of the burning apartment building's front doors. The two crime fighters smashed through the doors, and then ran upstairs. They could hear the screaming of tenants inside. Many were already stampeding in the other direction. Weaving against the tide of people, the crime fighting team ran upstairs.  
  
"LP you take the second floor, I'll take third."  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
Black smoke was pouring upstairs, and the floor was giving way. Launchpad flung a (rather large!) woman in hair rollers over his shoulder, and jumped down a flight of stairs. The first landing creaked and moaned, but Launchpad gathered all the extra weight under his knees, and heaved himself up again, just before the floorboards broke from the strain. When Launchpad finally tumbled outside and fell on the cool grass, he thought he'd never take fresh air for granted again.  
  
"My hero! My name's Betsy." Said the woman as she flung her thick arms around Launchpad, mid-breath.  
  
"J-just doin' my. duty, ma'am-er, Betsy, g- glad to see you're OK." Launchpad wheezed.  
  
"Ah, the many fringe benefits of heroship." Said a rather English voice. Launchpad turned around, Betsy still clinging. Two sights for sore eyes.  
  
"Avian! Morgana!"  
  
"Where's Darkwing?" said Morgana sharply.  
  
"Y'mean he hasn't come out?"  
  
*****  
  
There was the sound of a child crying nearby. "  
  
Where are you?!"  
  
Darkwing ran along a burning corridor. There were many doors to his left and right. He tried to concentrate on where the sound was coming from. He applied some "quack fu" to one door, and in return got a blast of hot air. Darkwing leapt aside sharply, as a piece of the roof came crashing down from the hallway. He didn't quite make it clear of all the pieces. When Darkwing returned to the corridor, he still heard the girl. Now she was just coughing. The air was thick, and dark, and columns of fire were hungrily devouring the building's columns. There were still a lot of doors. Darkwing took a wild guess. BAM!! He knocked open one door, and ran in. After what seemed like an eternity, emerged from the smoke with a small girl.  
  
I'm scared!" she choked, her tears mixing with black soot.  
  
"Nothing wrong with that." said Darkwing. "But be brave. I've never lost a kid yet."  
  
The window at the end of the hall was pulling up fast as Darkwing ran. He pulled out his grappling gun, and aimed it from the apartment's window, to the roof of an adjacent building. "Hold on!" They swung onto the building next door, and then repelled down its' wall to the ground. Then as Darkwing and the girl ran to the crowd in front of the apartment, she saw her father. She ran to him. This all seemed to happen without sound, even as the fire roared, and fire engines whined. Later, Darkwing would find that image stick with him for some reason. All of a sudden, he heard two familiar voices yell something; lovely female voices, magic words.  
  
"Pax inferno!!"  
  
The fire changed direction, rushing inward, while black smoke whooshed out of every window, door, and crack of the burned-out apartment there was. It turned the sky black for a moment.  
  
"Dark!!" said Morgana. "Dark, you're hurt!!" And he was. He was cut and burnt all over.  
  
"Ah.y'know..." Darkwing said, limping.  
  
"I know." said Morgana with a hint of exasperation, as she went about healing him.  
  
Avian Beakman came over, supporting Launchpad on one side, looking a little crispy.  
  
"(Sigh), Morgana always insists upon being fashionably late." Said Avian as she had Launchpad sit down, and began magically healing him also.  
  
"This may not be a coincidence, you know. Two identical fires at once."  
  
"Two?!" Said Darkwing and Launchpad.  
  
"On the other side of town." said Morgana angrily. "It was also an apartment. Bombed."  
  
There was a long silence between the four. After a while, Darkwing spoke quietly to Morgana.  
  
"It looks as if our quiet time may be over, hon."  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Gosalyn staggered home before dawn. If someone had been watching her at the time, they may have thought she was drunk. Well, it certainly felt like a hangover. She had a splitting headache. She was dizzy and almost retched in her dad's flowerbed. She reached the door of her house and fumbled under the welcome mat for the spare key. Over the pain, Gosalyn tried her best to remember what had happened to her. She remembered being at Honker's house.and after that, suddenly feeling empty and blank. Then she remembered standing alone rather stupidly in the Muddlefoot's kitchen.  
  
She opened the front door, and was about to lie down on the living room couch for a while, when the chairs spun, and Darkwing had come home, still smelling like smoke, and still shedding ashes. They spoke at the same time.  
  
"Dad/Gosalyn?" "What happened to you?"  
  
"Were you in another fire?" asked Gosalyn.  
  
" Yes, but it was just a little one really---hey hey hey! Who gets to ask the questions here? Why aren't you at the Muddlefoots?"  
  
"I was at the Muddlefoots."  
  
It was just then he noticed just how his daughter looked.  
  
"Gos, what happened?!"  
  
"Something wrong, Dad." Said Gosalyn. Then she told her story in as great a detail as possible. Darkwing checked Gosalyn's eyes.  
  
" Are you sure you're OK Gos? I can take you to the-"  
  
"Yeah. I'm OK." Gosalyn felt the ache of guilt and shame of failing her friend, which was worse than the headache.  
  
"A neuron scrambler." Said Darkwing wearily. "That's why you don't remember. Darkwing paced. "Someone made off with Honker, obviously. and did a sloppy job of making you forget."  
  
"Do you think it was FOWL?" said Gosalyn sharply.  
  
"Wouldn't be surprised..." Darkwing trailed off. "I hate it.." He continued, still watching Gosalyn with concern. "The firebombs.that was just to keep us occupied .and now. why do they want him so much?"  
  
"Honker? Well, he is a genius." said Gosalyn. 'Maybe they're trying to recruit him."  
  
Gosalyn couldn't help the corners of her beak turning up at the mental picture of Honker as a FOWL agent. Now that was funny.  
  
*****  
  
"Mr. Muddlefoot, it's time." Said the FOWL guard who had opened Honker's cell door.  
  
His "cell" had actually been a rather nice bedroom, but "Mr. Muddlefoot" hadn't slept so much. He stood as tall as he could (which was pretty tall), and walked forward down FOWL's checkered hallway between two massive guards. It made him look all the more the toothpick in comparison.  
  
The guards halted at a pair of handsome, wood double doors. They were opened, revealing a large office and a great oak table at which sat (who else?) the FOWL leader in all her glory.  
  
Honker laughed. It was one of the few times he'd been in the "principle's office."  
  
"Brilliant."  
  
After all the overblown evil hideouts, and expendable crewmen arbitrarily pushing colorful buttons, FOWL had finally gotten smart. FOWL headquarters was a school. FOWL central; a lovely little private academy for the intellectual elite. Victoria Falcon was headmaster. It was a perfect cover. Plenty of people have suspected that their school was really a cover for an evil organization, bent on taking over the world. And of course, some people are right.  
  
Dr. Victoria Falcon laughed her infectious laugh. Even 30 years since her whereabouts were last known, she was still lovely and sharp.  
  
"We felt the organization needed some young blood. We invite he curious, angry, ambitious, misguided.tech savvy."  
  
"Aah." Said Honker understandably. "Just like I was invited."  
  
"Yes, because we never take anyone who hasn't already shown an interest in us from the beginning." Said the FOWL director conversationally, pouring two dainty china cups of tea (with lemon!). Victoria looked at Honker very plainly. "You're here, because every once in a great while, I have these.instincts about people. I wanted to see for myself whether the rumours about you were true."  
  
"What rumors?" Said Honker, genuinely curious.  
  
"Well, they say you're rather strange. They say you are so humble, but in truth, even members of the SHUSH council are afraid of you. They claim you can answer any strategical question asked of you better than SHUSH's senior members, that you have a near perfect memory, that there is no computer system you can't hack, and that you've already mastered 7 languages in 5 years. Is this true?"  
  
"Very true, except the part about humility."  
  
The FOWL director smiled like she hadn't in years, and said "I'd love to know.why you insist on hacking both us and SHUSH so relentlessly."  
  
Honker intended to play his cards liberally.  
  
"Guess." He said, cheekily.  
  
"You led a worldwide computer charge against us, seven years ago, my dear." Said Victoria dangerously. Her eyes flashed over her tea. "I should kill you for that. You nearly wiped FOWL off the map. "But then.you steal secrets from SHUSH left and right. Even now, that fool Hooter is likely going crazy looking for you, and you've made no effort to let him know where you are. Why? I know you can."  
  
"Maybe I'm a double agent."  
  
"Maybe, but you don't act like one."  
  
"The best ones don't."  
  
"I don't buy it. You've better things to do with your time." Victoria's voice got light, seductive, and VERY dangerous again. "But what am I going to do with you, boy? What a waste it would be to kill you.what a waste it would be to drill you for information.yet how useful and concise."  
  
Honker looked straight into Victoria's eyes with what he hoped looked like no fear.  
  
"Like you said, I invited myself. I wanted to be kidnapped. I wanted to see you. I know you don't have a lot of time, director."  
  
Honker had struck a nerve.  
  
"You and my doctor." Said Victoria with a hint of steel in her voice. What is it that you want?"  
  
"I think you know, Dr. Falcon. And it's so outrageously stupid, it's brilliant."  
  
CHAPTER FIVE  
  
It was dark and foreboding somewhere, in a secret room beneath SHUSH headquarters. A couple of computer screens flickered, seemingly fighting for life. But that's only for effect. They're actually very powerful. So powerful the computers made it a point not to advertise. Get it? This place is secret. The room has no name, no number, and by all accounts it does not exist. Even James. G. Hooter doesn't know it exists, but that's not too surprising. You have to remember that in big organizations, all the really important stuff gets done a few rungs below the top.  
  
Nicholai Grizzlikov, top SHUSH agent, grunted and growled. It was turning out to be a real conversational day for him.  
  
"How did you get this?" he said, as he stared at one computer screen.  
  
"I have a special agent working on the inside." Said Howard Gooseman smugly. I'm telling you, this is camera surveillance at FOWL headquarters."  
  
"Hmnph. I'll be believing it when I am seeing it."  
  
"Oh, you will." Said Agent Gooseman. Trust me, Griz. It will all work out. This, and with all the information we're going to get on Darkwing, we'll rocket straight to the top!"  
  
Stuffed inside his suit, stuffed into this little room, Grizzlikov looked something like a gorilla in heat. The ex-KGB bear wasn't a bad guy, really, merely surly. He always looked like he would be happier roaming free in a national park.  
  
" Pardon I am not sharing your excitement, comrade. I've never kept any secrets from Director Hooter before.but.it's for SHUSH's good.  
  
*****  
  
"Director? Dr. Hooter? James!!"  
  
"Eh?" Dr. Hooter was once again snapped into reality.  
  
"Darkwing Duck is here to see you." Said Sara Bellum, looking a little concerned.  
  
"Oh yes, send him in, send him in."  
  
The SHUSH building is an imposing old place. That's because it's builders meant to give you the general impression that the greatest minds in the whole world are working for you. The builders didn't want people hopping off the Bay Bridge for every little panic, but maybe only because they built that too.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Muddlefoot were under the delusion their son was attending an elite boarding school up north. That was the notion FOWL had put into their heads, and SHUSH felt no need at the time, to correct it. Gosalyn brooded over all of this deception.  
  
"I know I don't ever sleep sir, but do you?" said Darkwing, walking in with Gosalyn.  
  
"Sleep, Darkwing? Are you speaking English?"  
  
James checked his watch.  
  
What time is it? 6:30 in the morning? Ah, and here I was afraid it was getting late. We're early."  
  
James sat down at his desk dully, and absently signed a clipboard that Miss Bellum was holding out. Before anybody could speak, the director said "I take it you know a young man by the name of Honker Muddlefoot has been kidnapped."  
  
"How do you know about that?" Said Gosalyn.  
  
"Only because we've been in contact with him."  
  
"What for?"  
  
J. Gander Hooter eyed Darkwing and Gosalyn carefully. "Honker is a world- class computer hacker, and perhaps the best. He's hacked us many times. He does have criminal charges.  
  
"Honker? With criminal charges?!"  
  
In exchange for their disillusion," James continued, "he was to come work for SHUSH after he graduated."  
  
"Who do you think it was that took him? Are you any closer to finding him?!" Gosalyn cried.  
  
Truthfully, no, we are not." Said James flatly, clearly disgusted. "And Honker is.the latest in a series of kidnappings around the world. I believe FOWL may have perpetrated all of them. If it really is FOWL, it's FOWL as I have never seen them. They are now smaller younger, quieter, and more organized. They know killing you, Darkwing, has turned out to be somewhat of an impossibility, so they simply got you out of the way."  
  
Darkwing glanced at Gosalyn, then stood at attention. "Give me all the information you have, Dr. Hooter. I'll find him." Drake longed to be a little more protective of Gosalyn at the moment, but he had no intention of even hinting she was his daughter.  
  
Gosalyn was trembling, but she spoke steadily.  
  
"I can't believe.," Said Gosalyn slowly, "You have this big fancy building. all this equipment. and nothing to show for it. What exactly are you being paid for?!  
  
"Gosalyn-"  
  
" --Cuz' every time we come in here, you have nothing to say. It's real comfortable behind that desk, I'll bet. Aww, is your wrist cramping?" Gosalyn added sarcastically. "Yeah, let Darkwing handle it. I would too, if I were you! He's no SHUSH agent, who cares if he lives or dies?!!"  
  
Gosalyn raised herself to her full height.  
  
"You covered up the kidnappings, you've lied to Honker's parents! One day, someone really important will be gone, and you won't be able to SHUSH it up. I hope it's soon. My best friend is missing! Maybe that doesn't mean a lot in the world, but it does to me! I don't wanna hear that you don't know where he is!"  
  
It felt good, saying that. . It was something she'd wanted to say for years, but not like this. Tears were threatening to spring. Gosalyn turned away, getting even angrier at this display of vulnerability. She hadn't come storming in there to cry like a little girl. Gosalyn wished her body wasn't begging to pass out. It would have been nice to glare at Dr. Hooter properly too, without her vision doubling. Steadying herself, Gosalyn stormed out of the room.  
  
Back inside J. Gander's office, Dr. Hooter handed Darkwing a stack of folders.  
  
"Look at these." Said James heavily. " They're information on all the leads we have. All the people we know to be missing. All the information we have on Honker. Look at them in detail.in eight hours. Goodnight."  
  
"Yes sir. Uh.s-"  
  
"There's no need to apologize."  
  
"Darkwing nodded, and swept out of the office, closing the door.  
  
Sara Bellum adjusted her glasses. "Are you going to take your own advice, Dr. Hooter, and get some rest?" She asked, folding her arms.  
  
"Mmm."  
  
Not unkindly, Sara looked around the office and added, "I must be your friend. Who else could stand to be in here so much?"  
  
CHAPTER SIX  
  
Name: Honker Alden Muddlefoot  
  
Age: 18  
  
DOB: March 18th, 1982  
  
Height: 6"  
  
Blah, blah, blah.  
  
Darkwing always studied the bizarre. His brain sometimes made connections that other people didn't think of. The picture of Honker told volumes. The file existed in the same vein as driver's licenses. That's why Honker's picture was so striking. He really looked good. The trouble with the boy is that he really looked at you when you talked, and really listened to what you said. Not many people do that. He'll catch you in a lie, and make you feel guilty, without saying or doing a thing to you. You could actually feel afraid of this skinny kid. And this photograph really captured that nuance. It was something about the hair, and the eyes, framed by these ridiculous spectacles. Honker seemed to say:  
  
"You shouldn't be taking my picture with that on your conscience."  
  
Talk about psychological warfare. This kid was an army of one. He could give FOWL a run for their money.  
  
In truth, Drake really appreciated Honker. He'd really come into his own in the past few years, and his level-headedness helped balance out Gosalyn's. er, spirit. And Drake had always thought the boy should get a medal for managing to turn out so smart, with the Muddlefoots for a family. Speaking of which. Drake had a wild hunch that the answer to Honker's whereabouts was simple. Maybe he'd take a trip up to Canada to that "elite boarding school" after all, see what's under all that snow.  
  
Drake gathered his papers, all the while listening for any movement upstairs. Gosalyn would be furious with him for leaving without her, but hey, she needed her rest. Blame Canada. Darkwing walked down the hall, stopping at the broom closet.  
  
"LP, 'ya in there?" Drake gingerly knocked on the door, hoping Launchpad would answer.  
  
If the uneducated visitor to the Mallard home saw what Drake was doing, he might have thought "LP" was a figment of his imagination. In actuality, Launchpad and Avian lived in both the broom closet and a poshly renovated airplane hangar across town. When magic is a part of your life, distance is negotiable.  
  
The door opened.  
  
"Hey DW. C'mon in. What's up?"  
  
"Hi Launchpad. I think I know the area where Honker is." Drake lowered his voice. "But we gotta make this short and sweet, or Gosalyn will come after us. I say we get in there, swipe him, and get the heck out of Dodge.just in time for some spider pie dessert at the Shadow Chateau."  
  
"I thought you hated spider pie." Said Launchpad, leaving with Drake, and shutting the door quietly.  
  
"It's growing on me, LP. Literally."  
  
***  
  
It didn't take long for Darkwing and Launchpad to fly to St. Rudy's School for the Stupefyingly Brilliant. It really was in the middle of nowhere, so its' residents social graces could gather more dust. But their term was over. Everything was quiet. The whitewashed halls of the school gave Launchpad the creeps. Whoever decorated the place had been far too fond of taxidermy. Darkwing rummaged around the Dean's office. Sure enough, Honker was listed as a student. Darkwing flipped through the file for a minute, a million little glass eyes staring blankly at him. One pair of glass eyes seemed to glitter strangely, though. Mid-rummage, Darkwing looked up, and was bill-to-bill with a grotesque duck's head. The ancient skull fastened to a heavy, oak plaque seemed to lean to one side inquisitively. Darkwing felt a familiar little spark of intuition.  
  
"Hey LP. Watch this."  
  
Darkwing leaned his head to one side, pressed his hands to the old plaque, and turned it, slowly, counter-clockwise. Grudgingly, a stone doorway opened in the wall.  
  
"There's really no need for all this intrigue, sir, there's nothing down there but an old basement."  
  
Darkwing and Launchpad whirled around to see Honker seated at the desk. He didn't exactly look the model of distress.  
  
"Honker!" Said Launchpad. "Let's go. Can you? I mean, are you being followed? We're probably being watched right?"  
  
Honker stood up. "I'm not leaving. You are."  
  
The silence spiraled. Darkwing observed Honker. New clothes. New haircut. New attitude.  
  
"He's one of them now." Said Darkwing, flatly.  
  
Launchpad was incredulous, nearly laughing. "C'mon now. Honker, let's go home." DW? I know and you know, Honker can't be one of them, he's one of us. This is silly."  
  
"So, is this how it's going to be, Honker? You're going to blackmail me?" Said Darkwing, sounding very unstable. "You're going to threaten me, AND my family? You're gonna do that, huh?" Darkwing advanced dangerously. "You're going to make us live in fear you've told everyone about us? Or have you told your friends already? If you haven't, do you think I wouldn't have the guts to kill you, right now, to keep you quiet??!"  
  
Honker felt the cool of Drake's gas gun on his forehead. It couldn't kill, but the sentiment could. Honker cautiously looked into Darkwing's eyes. He couldn't say too much. He just had to say enough.  
  
"I'm not just one of them, I'm FOWL's new director. I don't need to tell anyone anything, Darkwing. But I do need you to leave." Said Honker, speaking only loud enough to be heard. "Please. Your fight isn't with me right now."  
  
Darkwing began to have the feeling that there was something going on that was way over his head. He lowered his gun. It all looked like betrayal, but in his heart, Darkwing somehow, knew it wasn't so. He and Honker looked at each other a moment, and if they'd said anything, the conversation would have gone something like  
  
"Why? Give me a reason why I should trust you."  
  
"Give me a reason why you shouldn't."  
  
It killed Darkwing, but all the things that he had admired in Honker still stood firm as ever. Still, even now. He'd have to trust. The situation was so absurd, Darkwing was beginning to feel at home. He'd been in more than his fair share of absurd situations. Without looking back, Darkwing said  
  
"Launchpad, partner, let's get back to St. Canard, OK?"  
  
***  
  
In the Thunderquack, on the flight home, one could cut the questions in the air with a knife. Launchpad was stunned.  
  
"There's no need to be too stunned YET, LP." Said Darkwing steadily. "Even I don't understand it all, but I think Honker just saved our lives."  
  
"Seems like it would be kinda hard to do that, if you're one of those FOWL guys." Said Launchpad, his attention not as much on the flying as it should have been.  
  
"I think Honker is trying to find the answer to a question."  
  
Launchpad chuckled. "He ain't the only one. Is it one of those annoying cosmic questions like 'who am I?' Or 'What should I do with my life?' Why can't he just take one of those tests like everyone else? Kids and their careers today!" Launchpad turned for a moment, and looked at Darkwing. "How can you be so calm about this?!!"  
  
"I'm terrified!" Said Darkwing, gripping his seat. "But Honker has never been anything but loyal before, and no matter what happens now, the balls in his court. He knows nearly everything there is to know about us, LP. Running around with guns blazing, isn't going to change that. The craziest and wisest thing to do is just trust that Honker's blasted 300 I.Q. is doing something!  
  
*** Unfortunately, there was someone who had been watching Honker. Two someones. The ducks head was watching. It leaned to one side inquisitively.  
  
"Too bad we couldn't get audio." Said Howard Gooseman, smugly, in the Secret room.  
  
Nicholai Grizzlikov grunted. "Darkving Duck, letting Honker get away?" Despite his utter loathing for Darkwing, Grizzlikov knew the guy wouldn't walk away from so much glory.  
  
"Tell me this." Said Howard, just over Grizzlikov's massive shoulder, "Who in the world could have any control over such a loose cannon as Darkwing Duck?"  
  
Grizzlikov shrugged. I am guessing someone.who vould be.knowing who he is! Yes!" Grizzlikov stood up quickly out of his chair. "Honker Muddlefoot knows!"  
  
CHAPTER SEVEN  
  
Gosalyn tossed in sweaty, fitful sleep. She dreamt she was running: to where she did not know. Sometimes it looked as if her $100 sneakers were padding across the East St. Canard High School gym. Sometimes she hit the asphalt of St. Canard's Main Street at rush hour. Sometimes it looked that there was no ground beneath her at all. Gosalyn glanced down and stopped. All of a sudden, she had an old-fashioned revolver in her hand. It felt foreign and heavy. But the way the feathers on the back of her neck were rising, Gosalyn felt she might have occasion to use that gun. It felt as someone was watching her. Gosalyn cocked the revolver as quietly as she could. From the corner of her eye, she saw something.something that looked a whole lot like Steelbeak.  
  
BANG! In one lightning-fast motion, Gosalyn turned and shot. She didn't aim to kill. She hated guns. The gun felt all Wrong, but just this once, she made an exception. The thing had just appeared in her hand, and Gosalyn had the 'gift horse in the mouth' idea.  
  
There was an unnecessary amount of smoke that billowed from the shot. Gosalyn ran through the dull, gray clouds to Steelbeak. But, when she got there, it wasn't Steelbeak lying on the ground at all, not at all.  
  
"Gosalyn.why?" said Honker, bleeding.  
  
Gosalyn jerked awake. She was in her own bed, in her own room. The room was in charming disarray; "charming", only because Drake insisted his daughter clean it at least once a week, to keep small animals from nesting.  
  
Gosalyn was very annoyed she was being kept out of all the action like this. Oooh, if Honker wasn't dead, she was going to kill him! Yeah, Gosalyn got her much-needed rest. And now, she was itching for some answers, and for a fight. She wished she knew where to start. Her dad had left without her, but that was no surprise. The only place for answers to turn was where she had just come from; SHUSH.  
  
"They probably won't tell me anything, but it's all I've got right now. Being Darkwing Duck's friend should count for something!"  
  
CHAPTER EIGHT  
  
That is vhy he vas.Ve must tell Director Hooter!" Exclaimed Grizzlikov  
  
Howard just stood there. "Let's not get hasty. Are you ready to tell the director about our little project?"  
  
Grizzlikov turned around. "I only vanted to protect the director from himself. He likes Dvarkwing too much, he vould never haff approved it. But ve had to. Dvarkwing is too dangerous. Ve haff to find out who he is. But this is different. The boy could crush us. A boy could bring down SHUSH! That is more important!  
  
"Than your career?"  
  
Nicholai Grizzlikov bristled a little, torn between three loyalties. He finally seemed to make his decision. "No! Ve tell him, now!"  
  
Grizzlikov rushed upstairs to the Director's office. Howard Gooseman followed silkily behind. The door was locked. Dr. Hooter's door was hardly ever locked. A wave of cold fear broke over Grizzlikov.  
  
"Director! DIRECTOR!! He yelled, pounding on the door. "Howard, stop standing around, call security!  
  
In seconds, SHUSH security had battered down the door. Dr. Bellum was lying in the middle of the floor, the FOWL symbol carved into the wall and for a moment, and Agent Grizzlikov feared the worst. But Sara Bellum moved suddenly, and got painfully up to her feet. She was bleeding at her hairline, but she spoke sanely enough.  
  
"They took him." Sara squinted a moment behind her cracked glasses and some agents to see Gosalyn, who had just arrived for answers.  
  
"Gosalyn."  
  
Howard and Grizzlikov turned around. "I think you need to answer some questions, young lady." Said Agent Gooseman.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" said Gosalyn, scowling.  
  
"Listen kid, you're in a world of trouble already! You're more than a little friendly with two suspects, so I suggest you tell us everything we want to know!"  
  
"Stop!" Sara walked over to Gosalyn. "I won't have you treating her like a criminal. Director Hooter wouldn't have it. You have no evidence."  
  
"But now, DR. HOOTER ISN"T HERE!"  
  
"Excuse me." Said Dr. Sara Bellum quietly and dangerously. "I am ranking official here right now, and I say Gosalyn stays with me. She will not be questioned now. Any complaints, see the council. "  
  
Howard Gooseman glowered, and Sara was unimpressed. "I suggest you devote your energies to finding Dr. Hooter, hmm?" And with that, she walked out of the room.  
  
*****  
  
August 1960  
  
'THIS WAY!"  
  
Young James Hooter ran with his teammates down a lonely side street, in downtown St. Canard. It was raining hard, soaking everyone's trench coats and fedoras to a dark brown. But Agent Hooter felt such anticipation that the storm hardly mattered. This was against his boss' wishes, but he'd do it again, he'd do it again if he ever had to!  
  
"All right, you all take the left, and I'll take the right.. Take it nice and easy sweeping upstairs." Said James as he and his team of young agents surrounded a warehouse. The suspected whereabouts of the kidnapped Agent Falcon. James inched closer and closer to the top floor, getting ever and ever closer to the door. This was the moment he'd been waiting for.  
  
BAM!  
  
SHUSH! SHUSH! PUT YOUR HANDS UP, YOU'RE SURROUNDED!!" sounded the cacophony of SHUSH agents, bouncing off the walls.  
  
That was the only noise really.  
  
The entire room was filled with white candles, illuminating the blood-red paintings of the FOWL logo plastered everywhere, in every corner.  
  
No one was there, except one lone figure. Victoria falcon. She turned around slowly, smiling. She was beautiful, and dressed in white, and a halo of candles flickered around her head as she held up her hands. Serenely, she released the trigger in her hand.  
  
The explosion hit James before he quite knew what was happening.  
  
Dr. Hooter spent a lifetime making up for his mistake, a lifetime of battle against FOWL and a battle against his very own friend.  
  
"If I know you, and I know I do, I'd wager you're recalling the last time we met."  
  
The FOWL director's words cut through James' memories sharply. Dr. Hooter was in no mood to entertain smug conversation. He said nothing as he sat tied up in the basement of St. Rudy's Academy.  
  
"Don't look so proud James." Continued Victoria through the bars. "As much as I'd enjoy taking credit for such a beautifully executed kidnapping, you're not here.on. my."  
  
James watched as Victoria stopped mid-sentence. She looked even paler than usual as she leaned against the concrete wall. Her eyes looked distant for a second. Her breathing slowed. Dr. Hooter had seen it before, many years ago.  
  
Dr. Falcon seemed to recover after a few seconds and said "Remember those little spells I used to have when we were at academy? The only reason why you ever got the better of me academically? They're coming back with a vengeance."  
  
"Good. Something should be." Said James coldly.  
  
Touché. I still treasure those academy days. Haven't you noticed how much I've built this place to look like it? What will SHUSH ever do without your trademark wit and sage leadership? Where's your successor? I've found mine..."  
  
Victoria stepped aside, and in walked a tall young man all dressed in black, and ridiculous glasses.  
  
"Honker Muddlefoot." Said James.  
  
"Hello sir." Said Honker respectfully.  
  
James Hooter felt a hot surge of anger. His eyes flashed. "Don't you DARE insult me with your.damned HUMILITY! "I don't know what game you're playing at, young man, but it will catch up to you-I don't care how smart you are."  
  
Honker backhanded the SHUSH director across the face.  
  
"Quiet!"  
  
*****  
  
"Dr. Bellum, listen to me! Howard Gooseman said fiercely, as he followed Sara and Gosalyn upstairs. "Agent Grizzlikov and I have videotape of Honker Muddlefoot and Darkwing Duck!"  
  
Both Dr. Bellum and Gosalyn stopped in their tracks.  
  
"I'm telling you, we have video of them together taken hours ago! It shows Honker as a FOWL agent, and Darkwing is working with him!"  
  
Gosalyn's insides wrenched. "You're LYING!"  
  
"Dr, Bellum, I'm telling you, they've seen each other! They're working together! Wake up! Honker likely knows who the freak is! And Honker has just kidnapped the Director!"  
  
"YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH! Yelled Gosalyn, beyond her boiling point. You don't know ANYTHING about--!!"  
  
"AND YOU DO! SO START TALKING!!"  
  
"ENOUGH!"  
  
Darkwing Duck was suddenly there.  
  
"If you've got anything to say to me Agent Gooseman," Said Darkwing, pacing heavily toward the SHUSH agent. " Have the guts say it to my face, and quit trying to intimidate innocent women."  
  
Gosalyn almost smirked. She didn't think her dad ever described her as 'innocent'.  
  
"Okay Darkwing." Said Howard darkly. Where have you been the last twelve hours?"  
  
"Hither and Yon." Said Darkwing, with an almost illegal expression on his face. "The real doozy is where YOU have been the last twelve hours."  
  
A closed but angry expression came onto Howard's face, as Darkwing continued, lowering his voice to nearly a whisper.  
  
"You know Howard, there's such a thing as knowing too much."  
  
Agent Grizzlikov came barreling down the hall after Dr. Bellum.  
  
"Doctor! Doctor! We've picked up a signal on our computer! It's jamming half of them! It says its' from Dr. Hooter, and it's coming from Canada!"  
  
Looking very tired, but absolutely resolute, Dr. Bellum straightened up.  
  
"In your words, Darkwing, let's get dangerous."  
  
CHAPTER NINE  
  
Dr. Hooter was soaked with perspiration. The light of the heat lamps boring through him, burning him. FOWL agents had beaten Dr. Hooter, and only Honker stopped them from killing the director. James knew he was probably going to die, and he was delirious on top of it. For he thought he saw Honker have a look of pity for him on his face for a moment. His whole history with FOWL, perhaps was nothing more than the story of himself.  
  
"You'll never..get me to tell you..secrets."  
  
"But I only want one." Said Honker, as FOWL agents intensified the heat lamps. "it's the secret of the decade. "Who is Darkwing Duck?"  
  
Dr. Hooter laughed bitterly. "Sorry you've gone through all this trouble then, my boy! I haven't the faintest!"  
  
"Leave US!" Honker bellowed to the FOWL agents in the interrogation room. Only Victoria was left.  
  
Honker looked at the SHUSH director with very searching eyes. He spoke very softly then.  
  
"You don't know about the project to reveal Darkwing Duck's identity?"  
  
"There's no such project. I would have never approved such a thing."  
  
"Oh please!" Said Honker, throwing his hands up in disgust. "Now who's mocking who?!" All of this time, and you've never been curious?"  
  
"Of course I have, but I knew that such information could get into the wrong hands, like YOURS!"  
  
"Then you've got a double-agent problem Dr. Hooter. My computer says you're wrong."  
  
You're already Dr. Falcon's damned 'mini-me', why do you care if I have--"  
  
A light went on in James' head that he was reasonably sure wasn't sunburn. A cloud lifted from behind his eyes. All this confidential file-hacking. All this subterfuge. This entire, horrible game. That's what it was all about! Honker knew darn well who Darkwing Duck was all along! Honker was trying to protect him!  
  
"RIIIIIING!" A jarringly loud alarm sounded in the school.  
  
"It's SHUSH! It must be!" Breathed Victoria, looking for a second at the Code Red. Then from the corner of her eye, she just caught Honker bolting out of the room, with Dr. Hooter in tow.  
  
"AFTER THEM!" Dr. Falcon screamed!" The FOWL agents (who had been distracted by the alarm), we even more puzzled by this skinny blur that blew by them.  
  
"Get them, get them!"  
  
Gunshots would have whizzed by Honker's ears if he had any. He and Dr. Hooter rounded a corner and ran up a steep flight of stairs. Honker threw whatever obstructions he could think of in their way. He tricked some agents into thinking they'd taken the elevator, some had their way blocked by an avalanche of shelves.  
  
"Learned that one from Gosalyn." Said Honker, as they ran even faster.  
  
Meanwhile, Gosalyn herself and hundreds of SHUSH agents were bearing down on St. Rudy's Academy for the Stupefyingly Brilliant. Bursting into the school, Gosalyn went with one half of the group, and Darkwing with the other. Drake took a second's frightened glance at her daughter running down the hallway.  
  
"LP, go with them!" Darkwing pointed.  
  
"DW, am I your partner or not?" said Launchpad in a rare moment of irritation.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm asking you as a friend!"  
  
Launchpad broke off with Darkwing, and headed left to catch Gosalyn.  
  
"I fall for that 'friend' stuff every time! You owe me lunch at Happy Hippo after this!" Launchpad called back.  
  
"Deal!"  
  
Gosalyn padded down the hallway. She was looking out for Honker. She just knew he was there. Her group ran through the gymnasium. All of a sudden, a wave of FOWL Agents came up the stairs and through the elevator. What made it all look strange was that, of course, the FOWL agents had been posing as students of the Academy. So it was a melee of plaid, neckties, pleated skirts and white shirts starched to perfection. Gunfire could hardly be exchanged, because the two groups were almost on top of each other. It was time to do battle.  
  
Honker finally reached ground floor of the school. He heard the sounds of fighting, and knew the help he'd called for had arrived. He looked around for a safe place for Dr. Hooter to hide until the fighting subsided a little.  
  
"Don't even think about it." Said James. I wouldn't miss this for the world."  
  
Honker broke into his side of the gymnasium, and mowed through a line of FOWL agents, trying to get at the mop of red hair that was spinning about. Honker couldn't help but smile a little bit and marvel, for to see Gosalyn Mallard fight hand-to-hand, is akin to witnessing a force of nature. On a future trip to Europe, Gosalyn became known in Spanish circles as La Loca" because of her unconventional style. Simply put, when Gosalyn fights, it looks as if it is with complete disdain for physics. Many FOWL agents went down, surprised by this little streak of red made of springs, bouncing off the walls.  
  
Honker's fighting style was more like Judo. Fast, mathematical, and ugly. But it got the job done. Gosalyn finally did see Honker, and bowled through a crowd of agents to get to him. They were back to back.  
  
"Honk, you imbecile! Gosalyn grinned. How did you get in this mess?!"  
  
" I dunno! You know I've only got a head for numbers!" said Honker, almost laughing.  
  
"Yeah, yeah!" Said Gosalyn. "How about we tie this up?!"  
  
With that, Gosalyn and Honker worked together; Honker's direct, abrupt, angular style and Gosalyn's "apeshit" one. The two went together pretty well.  
  
It didn't take long for the FOWL agents to be on the run. The SHUSH agents ran after them, and soon the gym was cleared.  
  
"Dr. Hooter sir!" Called Honker, looking worried. "Where are you? Dr--"  
  
Honker stopped short as he saw the FOWL director, Victoria Falcon emerge from the shadows, her gun aimed squarely at Honker.  
  
"Honker? Why did you throw all your potential away like that?"  
  
"Well." Said Honker, breathing fast, and standing in front of Gosalyn. " I reckon for the same reasons James risked his life, and nearly ruined his career for you. Besides, they say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. Don't you agree, Vicky?"  
  
A tear escaped Victoria's eye as she slightly squeezed the trigger.  
  
BANG!!  
  
The eighteen tender years of Honker's life flashed before him. When he opened his eyes, there was Dr. Hooter, kneeling over the body of Dr. Falcon. He looked up for a moment, and looked for a split second, a lot more like he did in 1960. He didn't cry or say anything much. All three of them just wanted to leave. And they did.  
  
CHAPTER TEN  
  
GOSALYN, MALLARD.  
  
LANA, MADISON.  
  
HONKER, MUDDLEFOOT.  
  
The East St. Canard High School gym was bursting at the seams with parents, their video cameras, and their intermittent cheers. Sara Bellum and James Hooter stood inconspicuously in the doorway, as the new graduates received their diplomas. Honker had enough cords around his neck to choke a horse.  
  
"No matter what I do, or how hard I try, the same sordid past repeats itself over and over." Said James flatly. "Tell me, Sara, what are we fighting for? Knock some sense into me. You were always better at that logic stuff."  
  
"We're fighting. for moments like this." Said Sara, watching the sea of caps and gowns.  
  
"Hmm." Said James. "You smart people all think alike. There isn't a revolutionary idea between you."  
  
Sara touched the bandage on her head lightly. "We're going to have to do something about that double agent, whoever he or she is. I'm glad Honker agreed to help us, even if that means he has to leave St. Canard to do it."  
  
"Not leaving any chances. But knowing Honker, he'll be back before the end of summer break. You mark my words. We've gotta train someone to replace that old geezer in SHUSH's director's chair. What's his name? Pooter Footer?"  
  
***************  
  
Drake sat at home, at the kitchen table that night, reading the handwritten letter Gosalyn had left him over and over. The words swam in front of his eyes. At that time, he looked very much the father of a teenage daughter, and little like the dashing hero who had just been dispensing justice the week before. Morgana put her hand on her husband's shoulder.  
  
"She's gone." Said Drake.  
  
"She'll be back soon." Said Morgana.  
  
She'd better be, or she's grounded 'til she's 30." And with a little shudder, Drake realized that that year was a little closer than he would have preferred.  
  
EPILOGUE: A Final Argument  
  
Honker lay in bed, aching from a fresh pang of longing for the past. For one thing, Honker missed his room at home; buzzing happily with all sorts of contraptions. Tonight was much too quiet. Now he was not only on the run in a way, but also on the run with Gosalyn. Honker was so absorbed in melancholy at the time, he jumped when he felt Gosalyn press against him from behind.  
  
"Can't sleep." Gosalyn mumbled, snuggling even closer to Honker, who was on the very edge of the bed already.  
  
Honker felt pressured, and he began to get angry. He felt like the friendship he'd valued so much was dissolving like the ground beneath him. And what was there to replace it? A sappy teen romance, hanging on a thread?! Maybe he'd hoped for a long time that Gosalyn would show this sort of affection towards him, but not now, not like this! Honker flicked on the bedside lamp and turned around.  
  
"Look!" Honker started, his anger ebbing the moment he looked at Gosalyn. "Gos. You're-you're very vulnerable right now. I don't want you to do anything you might regret later on, like in the morning."  
  
Gosalyn seemed to remember herself.  
  
"Yeah.yeah." She said croakily, looking down, glancing up at Honker again, and returning to her own bed. She plunked down on it, her flaming red hair punching the pillow.  
  
There wasn't much to do but to turn out the light. Afterwards, Honker just lay there again, feeling even worse, and ever more the insomniac. Honker wished sometimes that he could be the kind of insensitive bastard that the women always fell for. He'd endured all sorts of abuse from Gosalyn, was so understanding through her long (and unimpressive) string of boyfriends, been through all kinds of thick and thin with her, never asking for anything in return. It would have been nice to be. But no, his experiences with Gosalyn and her family, and their friends meant a who world more to Honker than a mere collection of "chips" he could "cash in." He loved her. Love sucks.  
  
He loved her.  
  
"Dammit Gosalyn! Grow up!" Yelled Honker as he flicked the light on again, nearly upsetting it. "What do you want from me?! All I've ever done is listen to you, support you, try to keep you from ruining your life, but you're hell-bent on it! You demanded to come with me, well now you're here! But don't forget, this is my fight, so it's my rules! Rule number one is, the kids stuff stays in high school!"  
  
Gosalyn was surprised at first, Honker had never even raised his voice to her before, but she felt herself turning red from her scalp downward.  
  
"Oh, get over yourself! I wasn't doing anything you didn't want to do! 'Oh Gos, I don't want you to do anything you'll regret!'" Said Gosalyn in a scathing imitation.  
  
"---Y'see that? 'see that?! That's the childish bullshit I'm talking about!" This time Honker was really hurt. "You're a spoiled brat who gets her way much too often! Just as long as Gosalyn gets what she wants, to hell with everything else!"  
  
Gosalyn's eyes widened. "I'm really surprised, Honk. All this time I never realized what an asshole you really are! This 'nice guy' routine, what a laugh! S'pretty nice to hang around someone who makes you feel so superior! Wish I could! I mean, what kind of impotent coward hangs out with a girl all day who he doesn't wanna screw?!"  
  
Gosalyn wrenched open the door. "You're right! I don't want to do anything I'd regret!"  
  
SLAM!!  
  
Honker wrenched the door open even harder, angrier than he'd ever been in his life.  
  
"You don't get to walk away from this fight! Who do you think you are?!  
  
Gosalyn spun around. "I'm Gosalyn Joy Mallard, daughter of Drake Mallard, who the hell are you?"  
  
Honker went in for the kill. "Adopted daughter you mean."  
  
Big mistake.  
  
Honker was in serious pain, lying on the floor nearly before he'd finished his sentence. But he tripped Gosalyn with a kick, and she fell and bumped her head on a table in the corridor, though she made sure to land in a strategic way. They fought and they fought, inflicting assorted injury to each other, but it soon became clear that nobody was winning, and they were just hurting each other. In the end, Honker and Gosalyn both sat opposite each other against the wall, catching their breath.  
  
"Man!" Said Gosalyn, raising her arms and clenching her fists. "That was the best fight I've had for months! I feel great! Ow! She winced. She rubbed the giant knot on her head.  
  
"Let me look at it." Said Honker, with a big cut under his left eye. He saw Gosalyn had a spectacular knot, a knot for the photo book. "I'll get some ice." He said, heaving painfully up, and helping Gosalyn up too. They limped together to the ice machine.  
  
"Who says we don't make an ideal team? Said Honker. "Between the two of us, we just might have enough working limbs to do this."  
  
"Hahahahahahha-ouch!"  
  
They returned to their room. Honker practiced his adeptness at first aid.  
  
"You're not as smart as you think you are, you know." Said Gosalyn, smiling as she was being outfitted with a bandage and ice pack.  
  
"And you're not as smooth as you think you are." Said Honker, as he carefully wound the bandage around Gosalyn's head. "Whadduyou think that tells us?"  
  
"That we're awkward and slow."  
  
They laughed till it hurt too much.  
  
Heh-heh, looks like we've found our calling." Said Honker, after a long silence.  
  
"What?"  
  
"'What're we going to be after we graduate?' In traction!"  
  
THE END 


End file.
